


and when I look at you, you don't look back

by automatronic



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Hellmouth Sunbeams (Blaseball Team), Wakes & Funerals, mentions of other sunbeams, nerd/lars is mentioned but not a focus, post season 10 pre season 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:16:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/automatronic/pseuds/automatronic
Summary: the end of an era, the second worst team in the league, and a funeral for the sun.
Relationships: Miguel James & Igneous Delacruz
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	and when I look at you, you don't look back

**Author's Note:**

> haha oops all existential crises at wakes. title is from "funeral" by the fast romantics because it was too on the nose to not use. 
> 
> miguel uses she/him, iggy's wiki said "any" pronouns but I used he/him here, lars is he/they, eugenia is she/her, and sutton should not be referred too, lest you risk summoning the goose.

After everything that had happened that week, and all the excitement and jubilation surrounding ascension and killing god, it was a bit strange to come home to attend a funeral.

Strange was a weird way to think about a funeral, but that's how it felt. Strange. It didn't feel real. The service for Coach Sol had been televised. They were a public figure and beloved member of the community, after all. But it just added to the strangeness of it all, because now Miguel was scrolling through his feed and looking at clips of his own team mourning. Everyone had been on their best behavior for the cameras, which made it especially unreal. They looked like actors putting on a show. 

At least there were no TV cameras at the wake. Still, strangers kept coming up to Miguel to offer condolences, and she didn't know how to handle it. She felt like she didn't deserve it. Coach Sol was an amazing coach and mentor, but it wasn't like they were family or friends. It was silly of Miguel to feel so empty and heartbroken, when there were probably others who had earnt that grief more than him.

Miguel was just. Scared. The team was all he had, and you couldn’t have the Sunbeams without their Sun. Miguel was afraid to think about it too hard.

He refreshed his feed, and was treated to another clip of the funeral, this one from a different angle. The camera cut from Nagomi, who had the look on her face that made her look disengaged, but really meant that she was trying not to cry, to Sandoval, giving a beautiful speech that Miguel had completely expelled from his mind already. She refreshed her feed, then checked the news, then refreshed her feed again, before finally giving up and putting her phone away. It was time to face the offers of condolences again.

Miguel scanned the room. Most of the Beams had dispersed themselves throughout the small crowd, mingling with staff and Coach Sol's old friends and associates. Miguel hadn’t wanted to talk to any of her teammates, but she’d rather look busy with one of them than deal with more new faces. She saw Igneous standing in the corner, pulling his phone out and putting it back over and over again, mirroring what she had just been doing. She sighed and walked over to him.

"Man, this... sucks."

Iggy seemed a bit shocked that someone was talking to him at all. "Really? Is that what you're going to say? 'This sucks'?"

"What am I supposed to say? It sucks. Our coach died and I'm stuck in this stuffy suit, and I’m not allowed to wear my hat and, strangers keep talking to me like they know me, and nothing feels real right now at all. It sucks."

Iggy paused, any annoyance he had sinking away as he drew himself inward with a sigh. "....Yeah. It sucks."

"And now the moon is gone?"

"Yep."

"And there’s a new sun?"

"Yeah."

"And a black hole where Sol used to be?"

"Yeah."

"What are we even supposed to do?"

Iggy hummed in response. Miguel turned to look at him directly. "Are you even listening to me right now?"

Iggy jolted back into attention. "Listen, man, I don't know what we're supposed to do. That's the messed up part. I have no idea what we do. I don't know how we go forward from this."

"Right, right. I'm sorry, I just..." Miguel stared at the cup of flat soda in her hands. 

"I get it." 

There was a pause. Igneous took a sip of his own flat soda. Miguel was trying to figure out if standing awkwardly at a loss for words with her own best friend was worse than just hanging out in a corner alone. 

He was just about to consider excusing himself to get more lukewarm soda when Nerd walked up to them. He seemed to have a sense of purpose about him, unlike the other guests, who were all ambling about like they were unsure of their bodies and the space they took up.

"Have either of you guys seen Lars?"

"No, why?"

Nerd shifted back and forth on his feet. "I, uh, just haven't seen him around, is all. Um. Okay, bye." And then Nerd was gone, wading his way through the crowd of mourners.

The pair he'd left behind turned to look at eachother, both speaking at once.

"That was--"

"He's so--"

They both stopped, staring at each other. Iggy cracked first, bursting out into laughter.

"I can't believe we're at a _funeral_ and he's still hung up on his crush on Lars."

Miguel snorted. "I mean, we've all been telling him to shoot his shot, but really? A funeral?"

Iggy wiped a tear from his eye. "Maybe he thinks it'd be romantic. Like, he gets to _console_ them in their _hour of need!_ "

Flames flicked off of his hands as Miguel mimed a swoon. That prompted another round of laughter from Iggy.

Iggy's laugh was contagious as ever, and soon Miguel was to the point where he was sure he'd be crying from laughter if he could cry.

It wasn't that funny. Miguel certainly wasn't laughing at that at the moment. Instead, he was near doubled over at how stupid it all was. At some point the joke had stopped being Nerd and his skewed priorities and had become a joke at his own expense. It was funny, that he was losing it over something so silly, that he and Iggy probably looked like jerks, and that his friends had risen from the dead to fight god and now he was losing his mind at his coach's wake. It was hilarious, all of it.

Iggy had stopped laughing and was looking a little bit worried. "Dude, are you... okay?"

Miguel didn't answer. She wished that she could cry.

"Right, that was a dumb question. Sorry--" And then Iggy pulled her into a hug. Miguel wrapped her arms around him like a lifeline, shaking with dry sobs.

"Uh," Miguel spoke up after a while, "I think I might be setting your suit on fire." 

Igneous stepped back quickly, swiftly patting down the mildly smouldering parts of his outfit with ease one only got from being long-time friends with a being made of pure flame. 

"Sorry."

"Miguel, there's nothing to apologize for."

Miguel held himself back from apologizing for apologizing. He looked down at his cup that was now emptied of lukewarm, flat soda. She didn’t want to be standing here anymore, with Iggy staring at her like he was trying to find another way to comfort her even though he was going through the same thing, had felt the same loss, and Miguel was being no help in comforting him. She needed a diversion

"Do you wanna go raid the snack table for some of those tiny sandwiches?"

"Oh, absolutely."

On their way to the catering table, the two had a debate about how ethical it was to serve mini sandwiches that were that delicious at a funeral. It was a funeral, after all. You weren't supposed to be thinking about delicious mini sandwiches. 

The catering table was…. a bit of a mess. Guests had given it a wide berth, and it looked like it had been hit by a small natural disaster, and Miguel only knew of only one of those that lived in Hellmouth.

"Hey, Iggy, who was supposed to be watching Sutton?"

"Uh, I think it was… Um, Lars."

Lars, who was MIA. Great, Miguel thought. "Great" he repeated out loud. Of course Sutton had to cause a scene. Miguel wouldn't have been surprised if they had planned around Sutton causing a scene.

The scene-causer in question suddenly appeared, poking a head out from underneath the tablecloth. Sutton waddled out, honking and flapping at both of them. The goose seemed to have another goal besides harassing its teammates, at the very least, and waddled over to the other side of the table. It grabbed on to a platter of mini sandwiches, growing extra heads to keep it stable as it dragged the plate off the table, onto the floor, and out the room.

"We should probably… handle that." Miguel said, watching as Sutton snapped at everyone who got in its way.

"Do we have to? Last time I had to handle Sutton, I got bitten. We should get Sandy to help."

Miguel scanned the room and found Sandy on the other side, talking with a bunch of strangers in suits who kept patting him on the back.

"Dude, I'd rather deal with Sutton than get more condolences from more people I've never met before. C'mon."

Miguel strode ahead, knowing that Iggy was probably going to follow her no matter what. She turned the corner into the hallway, and watched Sutton drag the platter of delicious mini sandwiches into a room that was very much not open for guests. Well, at least Sutton was cornering itself inside Sigmund, instead of running around free in the open air. Miguel steeled herself for a fight and followed after the goose, opening the doorway to find--

"Lars?"

Iggy had been right on Miguel’s heels, and hadn’t expected him to stop in the doorway, resulting in him barreling straight into him and knocking the two over.

"Oh, hey guys!" Miguel recognized the voice as Eugenia Bickle, and looked up to see her sitting on a couch next to Lars. "Oh, thanks Sutton!" Eugenia picked up the platter of delicious mini sandwiches that Sutton had dragged in, carefully placing it on the coffee table in front of her. She picked up a sandwich and threw it towards Sutton, who's neck extended to snap it out of the air.

"Uh, hi? What are you guys doing in here?"

"It was too hot in there, so we made Sigmund make us a TV room." Eugenia gestured in front of her, towards the TV, which appeared to be playing some kind of garden program. Lars waved lazily at them without looking away from the screen.

Iggy helped Miguel to his feet. "I didn't even know Sigmund could do that."

"They're a magic castle. Why wouldn't they be able to?"

"...Good point."

Miguel flopped down on the couch next to Eugenia without saying anything. Iggy followed suit, sitting on the ground with his back against the couch.

"So, um," Miguel fiddled with the cuffs of her suit, "how are you guys?"

The sounds of the gardening channel filled the otherwise dead air.

"It's hot in there" Lars signed, "and there are way too many strangers."

"Oh my god, yeah, there's so many people in there who I've never met before who keep like, addressing me by name like we're friends." Miguel saw that Lars had ditched his suit jacket, and took it as permission to do the same, throwing the stuffy thing behind him and undoing his cuff links as he ranted.

"I've had to shake so many hands." Iggy interjected. 

"Did you see the news coverage of the funeral?" Eugenia asked between bites of mini- sandwich

"Yeah. It's weird, right?" 

"We were watching it earlier. It was so weird."

"You guys came here to get away from the wake and then watched news footage from the funeral we just attended?" Miguel tried not to sound too skeptical.

Eugenia shrugged. "It was the first channel we flipped to. Lars wanted to watch it."

"I liked the speech Sandy gave."

Miguel responded with a shrug of her own. The group sat in silence for a while, watching as the garden show explained the process of growing tomatoes in Hades. It was a bit mind numbing, but Miguel couldn't deny that she was excited to tell Sandy about all of the Tomato Facts she had gathered, as soon as she got the chance. 

The program cut to a commercial, and Miguel was forced to think about how they had left the rest of the team to handle all of the sympathetic strangers at the wake, without any backup. 

"We should go back out, and like, talk to people."

Iggy turned to look at her. "Do you wanna go back out?"

"No, but--"

"Then it's settled! We're staying in here."

Eugenia put a hand on her shoulder. "Seriously, you don't need to go anywhere if you don't want to, Miguel."

Miguel sunk back into the couch.

"I just…" she trailed off. "I don't know what we're gonna do. It doesn't feel right. Like, Coach Sol can't be gone. They just can't. We can't be the Sunbeams without them."

Eugenia pulled him in closer. "Sol may be gone, but we're all still here, and we're still the Sunbeams, no matter what happens."

"And we've still got a sun to stare into!" Iggy chimed in.

"It's not the same."

"No," Lars signed as they pulled their legs close to their chest while picking up a sandwich with a spectral hand, "it's not the same. But it's what we have, right? And we're gonna make the best of it. That's what makes us Sunbeams."

Sutton honked loudly from behind the couch. Miguel didn't have any idea what it was trying to communicate, but chose to read it as reassuring.

"I'm just scared of… all the changes, you know?"

Eugenia leaned away, turning back to the TV as the tomato show resumed. "Look, I'm not going to say that you're wrong to be sad or scared. We're all grieving. But what I am trying to say is that it's not… the end of things. We've still got each other, and the team, and we're going to go into this together, and nothing can change that. Understand?"

"...Yeah, I understand. Thanks." Miguel nodded, turning to look at Eugenia, who was watching the gardening show with rapt attention, as if what she had said had been as light as talking about the weather.

Miguel turned back to the TV, not really watching at all, but simply absorbing the company of her teammates. Eugenia was right. Sun or no sun, they were still Sunbeams, and they'd find a way to keep going, the way they always had. You didn’t join the Sunbeams for smooth sailing. The future was scary, and they didn’t have a lot going for them, but they didn’t have nothing. They had a new era and a new sun to face, and whatever happened, they’d be face it together.


End file.
